Thanks for your response. I think you're so right. Trauma and autism are intertwined and difficult to separate. I wonder if my dad was autistic (he certainly lacked empathy towards me - a classic by widely debated trait, as I'm sure you know). When I look back on my childhood, I can see that often, I knew exactly what I needed to be a well functioning human, but these things were usually ignored or worse, banned. So it took me longer to reach a place where I'm happy than it might have taken, if I'd been supported. But the good news is, I have everything I need now. :-)

Funny thing is, I was the opposite to you. I was anxious and always had to get everywhere early for fear of being late!