My experience is very similar to yours. I had an assessment. The assessor concluded that she didn't know if I was autistic, but that a diagnosis as an adult wouldn't help anyway, as there's no help available. She put a lot of my autistic traits and behaviours down to childhood trauma - which might explain yours too, I suppose. Then she said that she recognised that I scored very highly on 'probably autistic' in the Q&A, but I'm good at storytelling, good eye contact, etc - doh. I'm a writer.

So, I don't know if I'm autistic. I do recognise that I have a lot of traits, but at the same time, I'm not going to pretend I have severe autism or the difficulties experienced by some people. Some seem to have learning difficulties and some types of disability that I can barely understand - like one girl who claims she cannot walk through doors (I simply don't believe her and have seen evidence to the contrary).

Perhaps I'm just odd. I've always felt misunderstood, find people difficult, etc. Heightened sensitivities, smell, etc. Overwhelming emotions.

It's been better since I quit employment and became self-employed so I control my environment.

Here's what I wrote before my non-diagnosis. https://medium.com/artfullyautistic/could-i-be-on-the-spectrum-25b5a386a163

I haven't written about the diagnosis that wasn't, because it feels weird, and maybe fake trying to adopt a diagnosis that belongs to people much worse than me.

I'm not sure how I feel about the non-diagnosis. I don't want an incorrect diagnosis, if I'm just a bit odd. But then, a lot of stuff wasn't discussed at the sessions - because we were too busy drawing pictures and looking at children's picture books. It's crazy.