I'm so pleased that your Christmas was better than expected and you've been able to lower the shield without regretting it. I have similar problems with my sister in terms of bringing up painful things from the past with zero sensitivity to the trauma those things still cause now.

We spent Christmas with my 100 year old mother in law and I was expecting it to be stressful, but it was actually better than I'd imagined too. She has mellowed and let things go recently. She's more amenable to following instructions. It might be her last Christmas, due to her age, although she's in better shape than your mum. I enjoyed Christmas too. It went well!