I understand where you're coming from Tony. I appreciate what you're saying too. To be honest, because my husband has lung damage, we've already distanced ourselves from everyone, which is perhaps why I didn't find out what was going on with my keyboard earlier - although I've been to see her at least once a week, every week, and she didn't mention it!

My two sisters have taken on the bulk of any care duties involving support when my dad was dying - mostly the other sister (not the gobby one) but they've both had more of a caring role than me, because my primary concern was always the safety of my husband from covid.

I did offer to be a primary caregiver with mum during the pandemic, if she was prepared to isolate, but she wasn't. So she's been mixing widely the whole time, while we've been avoiding everyone.

We meet with her in the garden at a distance, and I don't know when that is likely to change. I just hope covid mutates to something less harmful eventually, so that even the most vulnerable can get back to normal.

So, I'm unlikely to be the one lumbered with a full time care job based on what's been happening, but anything's possible. I will talk to her about what happened, but I want to tread carefully, because making everything worse is more stressful.

I find the best approach to avoid feeling bad about stuff is to keep visits short and not volunteer for anything, so I don't end up becoming the default go-to daughter to deal with problems.

I resisted requests to become a run-around years ago, because the phone calls and requests started to happen as soon as I became self-employed. Suddenly I was free to run errands because I didn't have an employer breathing down my neck.

Mum wanted me to break off work to go and make dad a mid-afternoon cup of tea while she was out. I grumbled and was less helpful than I might have been. I've not allowed myself to be treated as a doormat and have been selectively helpful.

Perhaps if I'd been going in for longer chats indoors, the fact that she'd given my keyboard to my niece might have come up. Or I might have thought to ask for it earlier, but anyway, I didn't.

If I end up in a situation where I need to be in charge, I'll stand my ground, but at the moment, she is perfectly self-sufficient, and I hope she stays that way for a very long time. She's adjusting well, but recent times have been hard.

Thank you for sharing your experiences though. I do appreciate hearing what happened and will certainly bear in mind your advice as the years progress and things change.