I doubt you'll feel that way. I kept mine at arms length because I couldn't handle it. And years later, I still feel nothing about my dad's death. Only that it was a shame we didn't have a good relationship in life. I'm inviting mum to do a bit more with us. There are issues, but I tried to talk about them in 2012 and it didn't go well. I had to pretend it was fine in the end, and do the arms length thing.